Dinosaur Bees

excerpts
(from the diaries and notes of Courtney Love, Sylvia Plath, Marilyn Monroe and Frida Kahlo)
Claudia Lamar

I penetrate the sex of whole earth. I look for the holy fuck in everything I see. The language of love letters is the same as suicide notes. Alone. I am alone. I am always alone no matter what. Tonight I am ugly, but if he will kiss me, everything will be alright; I’ll be pretty again. Even the ugliest among us have made our lovers beg. I have hated men because I have felt them physically necessary; only parts of us will ever touch parts of others. Am I ugly? I wonder to my lovers. I guess I have always been terrified to really be someone's wife since I know from life one cannot love another, ever, really. If I was boy could I walk miles & miles away from this trouble that is keeping me? I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west—to walk freely at night; sometimes i wonder what the night time is for, it doesn't always exist for me. September at night…the dampness of him; waves in my hands; matter in my eyes. That’s how life will be. I will be SWAN SWAN SWAN. I wish xxxx xxxx xxx xxxxxx = xxxxx; then I could do whatever I liked behind the curtain of “madness”. I will not be punished for it; or be whipped; or be threatened; or not be loved; or sent to hell to burn with bad people; or feeling that I am also bad; or be afraid of genitals; or colors or screaming or doing. If I were a man I could write a novel about this, being a woman, why must I only cry and freeze, cry and freeze? Don't cry my doll don't cry; I hold and rock you to sleep. Woman xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Man. Fifteen thousand years of what? We’re still nothing but animals; full of ghosts. I desire the things which will destroy me in the end: the paper love; wars; tangled hair.

CLAUDIA LAMAR lives in Las Vegas where she collects heavy hearts. She is an Associate Editor of Red Fez Publications and the Founding Editor of Phantom Kangaroo. Her poetry has been published in Clutching At Straws, Convergence, [NERVE], and Houston Literary Review. More of her work can be found on her site: www.claudialamar.com.

Ricky Garni ::	How to Write Letters About God, pt. 1
	Yoo Hoo!

Larry O. Dean ::	The Sound Effects Bible

Nicelle Davis & Cheryl Gross ::	The Post-Partum Sideshow—or—What Do I Know About Being A Freak?

Tammy Ho Lai-Ming ::	You Don't Know Me

E.E. King ::	The Case of Dr. Dalton Plastic Surgeon

Dodie Bellamy ::	from “Cultured”

Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz ::	List of Things You Have to Do
	The Happy Fun of Love

Stacey Wilson ::	Photographs of two found poems

Claudia Lamar ::	Ouija Board Transcripts
	excerpts

Claudia Lamar & Elizabeth Leavitt ::	fortunes + dibuixos

Caitlin Roper ::	Ransom Note Poem #5

Molly Gaudry ::	Die With Me When I Die

Travis Macdonald ::	Chapter Four from “The Story”